2024…. the year of unraveling.
Just a heads up, there is explicit language in this post.
I have written this blog post 4 different times and 4 different ways. 2024 was fucking hard. Over the last 10 years we have had some unimaginable things happen. I will share it one day, but honestly, I don’t think you’d believe me if I did. Things that have happened to us in the last 10 years won’t happen in some people’s lifetime. I’ll share some of it one day, but for today let’s just look at 2024. The year of unraveling.
This year has been in the top 3 of my hardest years ever. This year has been in the top 3 of the most learning lessons ever. This year was a year of unraveling my life. Unraveling the things that were making me so ill it almost killed me, unraveling my feelings, unraveling the feeling that I am lost, unraveling me. Just like anything else when you are unraveling it gets messy and unorganized before it gets better.
God did take care of it. God did show up.
2024 has pushed me in so many ways that other hard years hadn’t. It has pushed me out of my comfort zone, it has pushed me to stand up for myself, it has pushed me to set boundaries, it has pushed me to find myself again, it has also pushed me to trust myself. Trust my instincts. Trust, understand, listen to myself. I do know a little something, and if I don’t, I will. It has taught me that I am resilient, I am strong. Most importantly, it has taught me God is always with me. God is always listening and I was forced to do nothing other than give it all to him. Things started working in ways I couldn’t have even imagined. I will never forget sitting on my back porch, crying. And ugly cry can’t breathe crying. We had to gut our home, at least every room had to be touched, we had to get a new roof. And I had no idea how we would afford it. I was praying, praying hard. When finally I said, “God, I give it to you. I will no longer worry, stress, I know you’ve got me. I know you are here.” Anytime I’d get anxious about it, I’d pray. In the end, it was all taken care of. We finished the whole renovation (with hiccups) but it was done. God did take care of it. God did show up. God showed me more than I could have ever imagined. The day I did that, I felt like there was a million pounds lifted off of my shoulders, and I knew he would come through.
During all of this, I’d find dimes randomly. In parking lots, on my mailbox… And I knew that was my dad sending me signs from Heaven. I kept following the dimes, every time I’d find one, I’d pray. I’d get a sense of security that it would be okay. And it was.
I am tired. I am tired of fighting, I am tired walking around feeling lost
I have been in an overwhelming sense of burnout over the last few months. I am tired. I am tired of fighting, I am tired walking around feeling lost. Like most women, after we have kids, that becomes our new identities. Being a mom is all we do, all we focus on, all we want to do. We lose ourselves in the process of loving this tiny human being, we give them every ounce of us until we don’t know who we are anymore. In the beginning we are just trying to get through the days. As the kids get older, more independent, there is a sense of wait, they don’t need me anymore, so who am I? What do I even like to do other than chauffeuring them to practices, watching their plays, watching Frozen and Ninja Turtles. It is almost like who am I anymore? Then comes… the finding me again stage.
I have been in this stage for a long time, I never truly let myself find me again. Partly because I own an accounting firm, I have been very ill for the last several years. My identity was being a mom, a wife, and a business owner giving every ounce of me to everyone else except myself. Until, I was left literally fighting for my life, fighting to even be able to get out of bed to take care of the identities I had created for myself. My body, God & the universe forced me to find myself again. Forced me to create those boundaries, forced me to get out of my comfort zone, forced me to not be the one holding everything up, forced me to ask for help and just take care of myself. And honestly, it was something I should have done for myself a long time ago. Before I was forced and left with no other choice other than to do it.
The lessons this fucked up year taught me has changed my life; it has allowed me to find happiness again; it has allowed me to find ME again.
The lessons this fucked up year taught me has changed my life; it has allowed me to find happiness again; it has allowed me to find ME again. The boundaries I have always needed to create has been life changing. I have stopped putting everyone first and myself last. I am creating space for happiness; I am creating a space for enjoyment. I am creating a better me. I am pulling myself out of a deep depression without meds. I am trusting me again and taking the time I need. I’ve had to fire clients along the way and unfortunately clients have fired me. I have had to rely on my team to help, I have had to realize I can’t do it all.
Every single thing that happens is a learning lesson.
No matter what this year has brought you. No matter how bad it has gotten. Constantly looking at the negatives will not help you to move forward. Sometimes we have to look back to move forward, but we cannot live backwards. Every single thing that happens is a learning lesson in some way. Having to move out of my office suddenly because my office was making me sick was hard. Very hard. We moved out in 15 days, everyone went remote. I was still unpacking boxes at home because of the home renovation. BUT… I used the tools I always wanted and built a desk. By myself from scratch. I built built-ins, I found a love for woodworking that I NEVER thought I would enjoy. I started this blog and to help other women to pull themselves out of it before it gets too deep, or to recognize the signs before burnout can even start.
If I could go back 13 years before my oldest child was born and as I was building my business, moved halfway across the state of Louisiana. I would tell myself to enjoy every moment, it will work out. Maybe not as planned but it will. Don’t let being a mom, a wife or a business owner become your identity. Don’t lose site of the things you love. Continue to take time for you, do the things you’ve always wanted to. But most of all, don’t lose your faith, and when you start to… lean on God even more. Pray more, let go more, allow love more, learn more. But most importantly, listen to yourself more.
I took this picture several years ago. The reflections were picture perfect and still. Be still to get a true reflection of 2024.
Reflection…
I know you’ve probably had a challenging year in some areas of life. Now that the year is over, write down your challenges, then write down what you learned, what good things happened because of those challenges. Write down how those challenges have changed you for the better. This is some deep work, so it make take a few days. Once you’ve completed it, sit with it. Read it a few times, see the postitives, see the lessons. And don’t forget them. There will be more challenges in 2025, as much as we don’t want them there will be. If you look at the challenges as a learning lesson it will be easier to get through. Look at them as what will I learn from this? How will this help me in the next chapter.
As I continue to still process and do the exercise above, I’ll share my challenges and how it has helped to find me again. I am still finding me again, so I’d love if you’d come on this journey with me. I’d love to hear all about your journey, I’d love to support you on this journey.
